021116

I am having one of those depressing moments, whereby I find it slightly hard to breathe -- which I believe is partly due to PMS, which is a good thing lolol.

Keep having the feeling that I have not done enough, what I have achieved is not satisfiable, and I have no idea whether I have done enough because although I feel like I haven't, I have always done what I was supposed to -- what's more with the fucked up issues that have occurred last week. I hope and pray that I will be able to stand strong and get through this week, next week, and next few weeks. I know that there will be times where I have feelings similar to how I feel today again, and what I might have to do is to shun all these emotions aside which I do quite well nowadays.

I too hope that this "blow" (with the "" because I think it is not that much of a blow, but it affects me, dykwim?) will be good for me and will push me to work harder. For now or a few moments of today, I shall avoid speaking to people that exert negative vibes that don't work well on me -- not necessary that these people mean any harm to me but it makes me feel worse than I already am. 

I think it has not changed all this years that I am a kid that feels so troubled every so often hahaha but again, I am sure I am not the only one, but because I voice them out here and now only a small number of people post inner personal opinions on blogs. 

Time to prep for 6 hours lecture at school oh god. Bye bye

25102016

Long bus ride mmmm
On 963 to Woodlands Regional Library to do some studying. No idea why school is just not the environment for me to do self-studying haha because it's like there is a layer of stressful atmosphere, which I think has been garnered since the past two years of brain-wrecking sessions that last till late nights in school LOL

Is it because I feel that I won't be able to do well and because I'm not doing well? With the add-on of feeling how lacking I am in terms of passion and competency, after speaking to some people and realizing the huge gap? Is it because I'm too eager to want to realize how I am able to provide for my loved ones? Or is it because I feel like there are opportunities that I am walking past everyday where these opportunities won't be there for me again? Or is it because there are some distractions that I know will fix me in the wrong ways, for sure? I guess I am feeling sorry towards a number of people in my life for various reasons - where some of them I couldn't wait to make it up to, and there's a few who I don't know how to.

Are these all that's troubling me? Maybe I should do some testing and analysis on myself LOL too much of software testing for the past few weeks

Hope that I can be more productive today. Yes I have done my part for all the work that I must do, but I have been slacking on catching up with revision. Yes I shall do as said and if I didn't do it I'm going to come back here and scold myself lol

Missed how magically blogging can allow me to realize inner thoughts which I am unable to sort out in my head, which I will be unable to tell anyone if it has not been put out into rational sentences in my head. It's all good, all good.

Meanwhile, so thankful for the Friday spent with aiai last week. It has been the most meaningful meet-up and h2h talk we have had in such a long time. I definitely feel so so so blessed to have her, on a level which no one else will be with me.

Thankful for the simple Saturday with boy too, a lighthearted one, eating what we like to eat, watching what we like to watch and doing what we like to do. And that's all I need when I'm with him on a rare and common free day for us both.

Then for today, I'm thankful to meet le bro LeeLeongLeong, who will always be there silently and at weird times that are surprisingly right, to exchange a few concerning words and rant about school. It is just so awesome to have this bro of mine in the same school now.

Till then *waves*

12102016

Feel a rush of loneliness for quite a while, for the whole day, so I reckon I will come here and speak whatever is in my mind now. Then again, I am quite sure it's the hormones in action because it's the period of the month, what's more I have been having cramps for the whole evening. Quite sure I'll be feeling all bubbly again soon hahaha HOPEFULLY, I think also might be because it has been days since I saw Shermy.

So, this Friday marks the end of Week 6 and tadaa! Recess week is hereeee but even though the thought of the week brings happiness, the cohort jolly well knows it's the time to clear up shit and get ready for the 2nd part of the trimester. This Friday also marks......... The THIRD adventure to HHN6 with Shermy!!! Second time with Piak and KL. FIRST WITH JOEY LIM TWINNY. HAHAHA

HHN5

HHN4

Pictures kop-ed from IG from screenshots lol. Don't think I'll ever get sick and tired of HHN or just USS itself. LOOKING FORWARD TO FUTURE HHNs OF PAYING TO SCARE MYSELF and even after I have kids I'll bring them up with the courage to accompany me to HHNs lolll

Remembering like 8-10 years ago, when I blog I just pour everything out along while thinking, and currently at this moment, I envy my ability to do that back then hahaha. Right now it is never wise to not consider who will chance upon the blog. Remembering the days when no one will make a fuss out of a thinking out loud blog post, whereas every single thing is blown up nowadays when it is not a tad significant to anyone else's life *roll eyes*

But anyway my point is, I am curious to know what's bothering me currently through writing but apparently it doesn't just flow out naturally like how I thought it would LOL
Upon the end of writing this post, I shall go and work on a doc and ppt that are due tomorrow. (I guess that means I will drag finishing this post hahaha) I didn't want to start work with a troubled mind.

Ok maybe something to discuss with invisible audience here, or rather with myself - do you still think twice or thrice before speaking to someone, with the mindset of not wanting to say something that might offend/bore/sadden the other party? I am not exactly one that speaks my mind without thinking, and in fact, I use different tones, gestures, body language and level of enthusiasm in my voice lolol when I talk to different groups or individuals. I think that's why I find it tiring to talk to people nowadays and one of the best things I can get is to take the train home alone while listening to songs I have played for at least a 100 times because, I rarely update my phone playlist. Speaking of that, I shall download some songs later too.
I guess that it has really became a phase whereby I gradually listen to lesser and lesser new songs, and play songs from the past that feel really nostalgic, classic example being  最熟悉的陌生人 LOL, a must-sing song in the past whenever I go to K with aiai and laopo.
So back to the topic. Sometimes I find it pointless and will scold myself stupid when I have to think for an unreasonable number of seconds or minutes before replying to someone (text message) because it's like, why am I trying so hard to think of words such that it will make myself more "pleasant" to the other party. Maybe this is just me lah (I know a lot of things is not just me LOL but sometimes after I tell my opinions to someone, they'll pause and be like, oh you feel like that ah, I don't yadayada), it is not as bad as I make it sound here LOL because it's part of life and socializing ma right and it's not like one whole conversation everything I send have to think.

But, I really miss the times or I really love it when I can just spurt out whatever is in my mind or don't even go through my mind to another individual without getting judged too much (judge is ok lolol), I think that is da bezzz sia. At a time like this and I mean time like 12.21am as it is now, I feel like going to Woodlands Waterfront like how I used to go there alone whenever I feel like, without worrying for my own safety lol -- then again since when I worry for my safety so much ah? Scared suddenly got flasher or like if got guy walk past at night I'll be super alert and skeptical LOL. But anyway now I am at Yishun and I couldn't possibly go to Woodlands Waterfront although Yishun dam is an alternative hahaha but things are just not the same anymore -- not that it is a bad thing. Maybe, perhaps after I have access to a more convenient way of travelling *wink*

A lot of things I have mentioned in this and recent blog posts might be cliche but I think that's why personal blogging is practically dead now because people scared whoever will see the post will judge ma. I think that's one of the reasons I went away for so long and blogged so little. But, no matter how infrequent I'll be blogging, this blog won't die ok like even if the theme changes or my link changes also won't HAHA. I sort of regret deleting my very first blog since primary school. AT LEAST my blog with posts from secondary school times  is still alive phew and it is always good to read back whatever retarded stuff I have written before, be it really good or bad memories.

I think I feel so much better now? LOL wonders of blogging. Shall go serious mode while getting music therapy with my fav old chinese mpop songs lolz goodnight whoever is there x

04102016

Good mornza! On a non-peak morning train now and I feel so good, like so much better than yesterday when I couldn't get on for 6 trains, door of cabin closed on me at one-north when I haven't even get out, had a super bad stomachache and a screwed test. Nonetheless, thankful for Tuesday! For everyday of this last study trimester actually, everything seems so bright and positive (most of the time lol) that it has been 5/13 weeks already.

Weird how I started off in Sept 2014 being heavily worried and stressed over school to the state of crying continuously few days a week (I knowww) to being nonchalant BUT still hardworking hahaha. Past 6 trimesters weren't really a breeze, but I've learnt so much from school, from a different environment compared to poly with different cultures and facing a diverse of personalities everyday. So now, I'm telling myself to enjoy every single day of this trimester before moving on to a one full year of being away from my classmates and one step nearer towards being a working professional.

Ya apologies for my dry and reflective content ok LOL

Hyped for new style experiment with my awesome possum hensum boy 😍
This guy was commenting that day and the other day lolol about how both of us spend money on different stuff - tangible and intangible goods. Shermy like to spend on quality clothing items that he can see and wear everyday even though it costs a bomb, but I don't mind spending once in a while on a staycation or a vacation, food, massage or a day of fun. I refuse to spend more than $10 for a piece of top, bottom or shoes, while boy can eat the same thing everyday just to save money. Overall, I can say that both of us don't splurge and know how to invest our monnehz in ourselves wisely hahaha

Speaking of food, I already can't wait for lunch with Roll already damnz

18092016

Current blog post count for 2016: 1. ONE. Only one. How did it became like this hahaha

And having penned down this post. Today is my aiai's birthday. And the last time I posted was my laopo's. LOL. I think this cute nicknames will stay till we're old and with kids and it has narrowed down to just a few that have the honor to be called by a nickname from me hahaha

Anyways, it has also came down to one last trimester to be in the undergrad course that I am in, not exactly the last of the last, but the last one that have 13-weeks duration study modules. Then I am moving on to a 1 year internship. Quite thankful for the school's scheme actually, I have came to appreciate how much it will help me in my career as time goes and the way they taught us has came to become effective as well. Most of the professors that have taught me (before this trimester, which has just started 2 weeks ago) were awesomely patient as well. SIT, what are you waiting for, time to sponsor me for a blog post LOLOL but speaking of this, surprisingly I still have occasional visits to this blog. Shall call this the Dead Sea of Mermaid Ong now hahaha

Have not been feeling well for a week also since Piak's soccer tournament finals last Sunday (Woooooo!!!! So proud of the bro even though they got runner-up -- their persistence was so commendable, whereas as the other team was just a bunch who play smelly) till now and I have different symptoms everyday, I don't even know what I feel now LOL

So today is my dearest aiai birthday, and yesterday was a blast even though we 抱病上场 and went to Katapult trampoline park and jumped until our souls left our body. The back dive was some scary shit - I have came to a realization of how LONG it has been since I've such adventurous ventures (and this is not really adventurous) and I was more of a scaredy cat than I thought I would be hahaha. Good 1 hour though. Then we had a short lepak session at ma home while she read some love-letter from me keke then she went for another birthday plan hahaha. Never does this peach know we'll surprise her again this year huh hahaha having only met the other surprise plan participants/old friends like about once a year only (except for XT). It was always a good night to see aiai being surprised, and I always had a good laugh with this bunch around.

So happy and feel so blessed for Shermy too, having started a new phase of his life. I am glad and so proud of this guy who always works so hard and never fail to put his heart into everything he is doing. Gonna start trying out one of his hobbies for a period of time soon hehehe wonder how it'll turn out!

Speaking of all these. I really feel like a very fortunate human being for everyday of my life, even though I NEVER fail to complain every single day and rant to anyone and everyone hahaha. Everything is going on the right track for me if I just step back one step to take an overview of things happening in my life and where I am now, the 13 years old me would not believe that I would have come this far to be where I am now. Nope I am not in NTU or NUS or SMU but I am really glad to end up in SIT with the opportunities it has to offer us as students. Nope I am nothing near rich now, event though I save as much as I can. But I have a family who cherishes each other every single day, my friends who surround me these days are the only ones I need in my life, and I have a boyfriend who cares for me more than himself or other people, events or objects (lol *coughdenimcough*) in his life, and lastly, I have a tentative 5 year plan that I want to head to, and I know how not to be too affected by how successful or not others are in their lives and to go with my own pace.
I will still get anxious now and then and tell Shermy every time it happens which is quite often, but he and I know we will get through this.

Can't wait for this trimester to be over and start my own new phase at a new environment next year. Really cannot wait.

Till then, till next time

05042016

Firstly... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GIRL XT (yesterday)!!! And congratulations hooooooomygod. I'm just so happy for you it brought tears to my eyes when I saw the news :')

Dislike how being uni makes it so hard for me to meet anyone who is not my classmate. But anyway nearing 2 years liao, what's new right. TWO YEARSSSS we thought things will get easier but nooo I don't even know if this school treat us like human lolol So this week is the 13th week which means that it's the hell week once again with all the submissions deadlines all in this week plus presentations. The weird thing about the people in my course/school (not sure about OU) but we look forward to exam period more than anything LOL because it means no stupid deadlines and facing stupid people. Maybe not literally stupid lah just people who freeloads and think they queen or king. It's alright, after this trimester it'll be just one more study trimester left starting in Sept. HI THERE MY KOK BROS lai lai join your senior

 Just gonna be prepared for all the brain usage maximus today, was gonna say something negative but nah, I CAN DO THISSSS JUST 4 MORE DAYS LEFT

06102015

Year 2, Trimester 1. Three more study trimesters to go before the integrated work and school programme. 9 more modules to go, probably all with team projects.

There are people who are really smart and they know they are smart, and apparently they will tend to look down on those with weaker abilities. Those who are rich in knowledge. Who is so eager to show off what they know, rather than share and teach those that needed the teaching. "Elistist" is the word. They do not care whether the weaker ones tried their best because to them, weak is weak and they will forever be high above.

Facing people like that is really tiring. I might be one of the weaker ones, I might be stronger than a few, but the respecting people principle is one that I apply to, whatever I do, wherever I am. Unless of course, with a second chance given you prefer to disrespect me again and again.

People issues. Sigh. Something that I have been facing, something I will be facing in school for a year or more and... In the society. Unavoidable, that is, and this is a fact that I am aware of. But here I am, blogging out loud, and discreetly hoping that there will be kinder people, more compassionate people, people who are not full of themselves.

On a brighter note... HHN5 NEXT FRIDAY. HELL YEAHHH YEARLY TRADITION. Totally can't wait to be scared to death. Those who love horror genre should watch The Visit, the show where I can't help but keep asking Shermy, "How?! OMG HOW. HOWWW" during the climax of the show.

To Shermy and the few classmates that make my time in school so much better, thank you. X